A Spontaneous and Magnificent Trip to the South of France

It was a one-day-ahead-planned trip to Toulon in the summer of 2024, one-way ticket, in the south of France - so far, my most courageous move as a traveller. And it lasted for three weeks.

I started the journey by making the packing a ritual, to prepare my nerves for the upcoming excitement.

I do not enjoy packing for a long trip, but packing for a short one in a small 22cm suitcase is my favourite type of packing. For this one, I only needed to pack the lightest clothes and a beach towel. The suitcase was small and light at the same time - the best kind to travel with.

When I was done and lying in bed, it was a moment of relief, but it definitely was not from the packing alone - it was from taking a break from Paris and from this very apartment I might have spent too much time in, for nearly a year.

Toulon

The next day arrived and the train was scheduled for the afternoon. It was a sunny day, but the crowd in Paris reminded me that I made the good decision to leave in the midst of the Olympics that year.

The train arrived at Toulon almost five hours later, and I walked out of the train station with caution.

It was the first time in a year I had left the apartment for such long hours and I did not have a return ticket yet to assure myself when I would be back home - It was not scary, but it was an unfamiliar feeling.

By the time I checked in and got groceries, it approached the evening. The night fell, the lights were dim and I started to feel lonely. There was no one on the street and there were only tree branches sweeping across the window as if they were waving at me. The day was already over for everyone here. I decided to go to sleep, hoping for the morning to arrive sooner.

The next day, I woke up to the sunlight slicing through the edges of the curtain. A smile came to my face - I was happy to find myself in a new place that was beautiful and sunny. I forgot the loneliness I felt last night and decided to go for some sunbathing - at this moment, the only thing I wanted to do was to lie on the beach under the sun, just stay still like that.

I did it, finally.

Walking on the hot sand barefoot, looking for a comfortable spot with enough distance from other sunbathers, I laid down my beach towel after doing some mental calculations.

The moment my head touched the ground, a huge sense of satisfaction emerged. I felt held tightly by the sand, the warmth absorbed into my body from the sand below and the sunlight above.

This was exactly what I wanted. It felt like I had come all the way here - just for that! - to shower off the heaviness I had accumulated during the burnout.

My head was empty - there was not a single thought in it. It made me feel like an alien among others on the beach, as if I was too calm to be a normal person.

However, it was not a bad thing at all - the empty mind gave me a brand new canvas to paint a new life on.

I started to notice the coastline of the beach, genuinely beautiful. Residential buildings lined up tidily, with boats moored in a small port right in front. The beach was clean and not crowded at all.

As usual, I stared at the very far end of the sea, the end of the horizon, as if I was expecting something to show up.

Whenever I am on a beach like this, I think of myself growing up in Urumqi - a city that is the farthest from the sea, where I dreamt of seeing an ocean when I was young. When I first went to the seaside in Hong Kong, I fell in love with it. I loved the wind blowing from the direction of the sea and the vastness of it - it appeared as if there was no end on the other side. Then, ever since moving to France, I could go pretty much anytime I wanted. This was truly a dream come true.

A realisation like this made me appreciate the view even more. Looking at the end of the horizon made me want to imagine more about what else could be found in a beautiful ocean like this.

Closer to shore, I started to pay attention to the people on the beach - some families, some friends and also a few people who were alone, like me, either sleeping or reading. Everyone seemed so relaxed and looked like they were having a good time.

I tried to capture these moments with a mental camera in order to store these happy moments in my memory. This is something I learned during the burnout recovery - I learned that these are the smallest components of life, and the more I have them, the happier my life is going to be.

After almost two hours, I began to feel uneasy being alone on the beach without having a companion. It made me feel self-conscious about my movements and behaviours for being “too calm”. I decided to go back to the apartment.

It was a very nice start - showing up for myself, even in such a vulnerable state.

My apartment was right alongside the coastline - I booked it purposely like this. It was beautiful and functional, with two balconies, one at the front facing the sea and the other facing the interior of the complex. Both had views worth appreciating.

I cooked a nice meal for myself and enjoyed it on the balcony, the one facing the sea.

What a life! I exclaimed to myself. It was definitely a treat after overcoming such a big life change.

I spent the next few days in Toulon more or less like this - cooking nice meals and going sunbathing.

The entire experience was truly regenerative. It made me wonder - what if I continued the journey?

So I decided to book another trip.

Carqueiranne

Again, another last-minute booking. I looked for a city probably no one had heard of, but the apartment had a stunning view facing the coastline and even a view of the stars above.

This time it was Carqueiranne, not a very famous town that has less than 10,000 residents.

Unlike before departing for Toulon, when I felt plain and cautious. Because of a nice experience I had here, I was looking forward to the exciting new adventure in Carqueiranne.

The moment I got out from the train station, I saw a terrain that was quite different from the one in Toulon. It was more mountainous and the bus took many turns and eventually put me off at a spot that still had quite a walking distance from the address I needed to be. With a suitcase, and a body that was still in pain, I found it unpleasant to walk up and down hills to look for the place.

When I finally found the correct address, the landlord wasn’t ready to receive me, so I had to turn back and to find a place to wait.

I started to have a very bad feeling about all this.

This was indeed a small and residential neighbourhood. Though I wasn’t feeling happy about the arrival, I could still sense the warmth of the town from its people.

While I was walking in agitation, there were random people greeting me bonjour!

And of course, I greeted back bonjour!

At this moment, a familiar feeling emerged. This whole thing came so naturally as if I had been living here for a long time. Then I remembered - I have been living in France for 8 years. I think I became French without noticing the changes. I might appear more French to others than I feel inside.

Finally, the landlord was ready - I could go and check in.

Things started to be more positive since I entered the apartment. It was a lovely place, especially the terrace was a nice addition to the entire experience - not only did it offer a full view of the coastline, but also a sky full of stars at night thanks to its rooftop position. Nature felt entirely accessible from that single terrace. It was truly astonishing!

Even though I was not able to enjoy the beach as much as I wanted because of its distance and smaller size, I didn’t regret coming to this town since I found the terrace to be an unexpected discovery.

I spent the early mornings having sunrise breakfasts and the evenings romantic dinners with myself on the terrace.

Looking at the breathtakingly beautiful coastline in the front and the countless stars right above my head, this was the kind of rare moment few people get to experience in their life time and it could become a story to be told for infinite times.

This trip did not just give me a new adventure but something unexpectedly memorable in its own unique way - a south of France way.

I thought I would like to keep going, because the trip was only getting better.

Cannes

After being spoiled by the nature in Carqueiranne, I decided to go back into a city. I think I started to miss people after spending so much time in places where they are genuinely calm and peaceful.

I searched alongside the coastline and I found Cannes, a place full of stories and myths that made it look like the perfect next destination.

Since I am not a celebrity with millions of euros in my bank account, I booked something more budget-friendly to be able to stay in the centre of the city.

As soon as I checked in, I saw a clear contrast between the places I have stayed during the last two weeks versus this one. I felt a slight pang inside, but it was a trade off to travel in Cannes - a world famous city.

My tour started the next day simply by being a tourist. Sometimes, it is the place that puts you into a role rather than you choosing to be it. I wasn’t able to dress up like a random citizen in Cannes as I was doing in the other locations. Cannes has dress codes.

Cannes is a very bright place, full of enthusiasm and energy. People dine in the beautifully decorated cafés. Young people host parties on the boats - I could hear the echoes of electronic music from far away. People dress up nicely, on their way to attend evening events. All kinds of yachts were moored in the port. The whole scene was magnificent.

Maybe I can have a yacht too, one day - I thought to myself.

I visited some iconic attractions, such as the Palais des Festivals and the Boulevard de la Croisette, but then I stayed on the beach and in the apartment to be able to truly enjoy my own company.

I don’t know since when I became so counter culture that I didn’t enjoy Cannes as much as people would expect. I was simply not on the same wavelength as the other tourists.

Cannes trip was the shortest of the three, but it is the one that pushed me back to civilisation, to be among people again - a different crowd from the one in Paris.

The Cannes trip was only four days long, but I think I was ready to go home, to my little wonderland in Paris.

Back to Paris

As soon as the TGV approached the Paris periphery, I could sense the pressure of the metal and steel structure of the railways and the station. This kind of heaviness suddenly pulled the entire history of the industrial revolution in front of me like a movie.

Entering the train station and heading to the metro was another kind of heaviness, it appeared as if I was walking with a million people. Some people were staring at me, maybe because I dressed like a country girl who just came to a big city with her little dream.

Anyway, I came back home and lay on my bed with a deep satisfaction for completing such a big journey.

I was proud of myself for making such a spontaneous decision and came away with so much perspective and inner healing.

The aftermath of burnout felt a bit lighter at this moment, and I gained more strength to keep going in this unexpected journey we call life.